Used To
by JaredJensenLuvr
Summary: Dean reflects on the strained relationship between him and Sam during season 4. He remembers past times and how things are now.


**A/N: This is a One-Shot surrounding how Sam and Dean have had a rift between them all season pretty much. Dean reflects on how things were and how things are now. **

* * *

**Used To**

**(Dean's POV)**

_1991_

"_If monsters are real then they could get us, they could get me"_

"_Dad's not gonna let them get you"_

"_But what if they get him?"_

"_They aren't gonna get dad, dad's like the best"_

"_But they got mom. If they got mom they can get dad and if they get dad then they can get us"_

"_It's not like that,OK, dad's fine, we're fine, trust me."_

Fine. We were anything but fine. Then we were fine just a couple kids being dragged by their dad across the country killing monsters. OK so maybe we were never exactly fine but we always had each other. We were always together; everything I did, anywhere I went I had Sammy by my side. He looked up to me, he always had.

When we were kids I kind of got annoyed with it, I mean what kid wants their little brother following them around all the time. Especially when that kid is Sammy, Mr. 20 questions himself, every five seconds he came up with something new to ask me, something that he desperately needed to know. I just wanted time to breathe, without the walking encyclopedia following me around. But now I would give anything to have him look up to me like that. Maybe he still did but with the way he's acting with the secrets and the lies it's hard to tell.

2006

"_As long as I'm around nothing bad is gonna happen to you"_

When I told Sam that I believed it with everything I had in me. I could protect Sam from anything, I always had. It was my responsibility, the one thing I always knew I would do right. But now, I don't know if I believe that anymore; how could Sam believe it. Things have spiraled so far out of control I don't know how to get things back to normal. Or at least our version of normal. Things were so much simpler then, I could deal with the occasional visions he would get. Back then it didn't seem so "end of the world". But the more Sam uses his powers, the stronger he gets; the more it confirms my fear that when I left everything lost control and there is no way back.

2007

"_If you can't save me, you have to kill me"_

"_Don't ask that of me"_

"_Promise me Dean"_

"_I promise"_

I might have said I promise but I was lying. I never would even consider hurting Sam let alone killing him. I never thought the threat of Sam turning evil ever had any merit. My dad told me it was my job to either save Sam or kill him. How could he put that on my shoulders. My whole life my dad drilled it into my head that protecting Sam was my responsibility and now he expected me to kill him. How fucked up is that? How could Sam be evil; he was the sweetest kid I have ever met. He never wanted to do anything bad, not even harmless things but now I was supposed to believe that little Sammy somehow was to become a threat to humanity. No Way. Never. Not on my watch.

_2009_

"_We used to be in this together. We used to have each others backs"_

Hell. Resurrection. Demon Blood. Secrets. Lies. Angels. Demons. The Apocalypse

It's been an eventful year so far and it's still not over yet. That's how it was now. Always fighting, always accusing each other of keeping secrets. Sam used to trust me, he used to look at me like I was his hero the way I used to look at my dad. Like nothing could ever hurt me, he always believed that I would make everything alright. Now he thought I was weak that I couldn't handle Alastair or Lilith or the big apocalyptic fight that rested the fate of humanity on our shoulders. Could I handle it? I don't know if anyone can ever really prepare for the end of the world especially if it was up to them to save everyone.

I admit going to Hell did shake me, it did threaten to break me. But it didn't break me, I was as strong as ever, I just looked at things in a new light. I take more precaution when it comes to life and death situations. Sam has changed so much; he is definitely not the little kid I remember. The little kid who had all the innocence in the world and all the hope that he could grow up and have a normal life. Year after year he was torn apart more and more by everything this life had to throw at him. Could I still protect him? Was everything lost? Could we ever get back our once amazing relationship, the one where we trusted each other more than anyone else in this world. It honestly was the two of us against the world. The only question was would we be on the same side.

"_You don't know me, you never have and you never will"_

"_If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back"_

He walked out, I gave him the choice between me and Ruby and he walked out the door. I honestly don't know if we will be on the same side; all I know is that I am holding out every hope in the world that Sam finds his way back and I know that I will be there for him forever helping him along.

"_I'm sorry"_

"_Sammy let's go"_

"_Dean he's coming"_

Lucifer. Ruby lied, big surprise there. Sam trusted her and she betrayed him but now the bitch was dead and Lucifer was about to rise. Looks like me and Sammy have a lot of work to do.

Our story isn't even close to over yet. Even more difficult times lie ahead; it's not gonna be easy, it never was. Why start now? At least we would be doing it together now, the way it was always meant to be. Sam and Dean against the world, always.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed my story. Please review and let me know what you think. =)**


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